URGENT DOCUMENT
Issues confronting a child
of Jehovah's Witnesses' parents
 Lica de Guzman sings "Prendre un enfant par la main" "Take a child by the hand" |
Has the child whose parents are Jehovah’s Witnesses real problems to overcome ?
Is this child the victim of pressures that can perturb him/her psychologically as well as mentally ?
First it must be said that few young people become Jehovah’s Witnesses as a result of the intense proselytism accomplished by this group through their systematic door-to-door canvassing.
Unlike other organizations, the Witnesses don’t focus on a particular segment of the population, for example by targeting more specifically young people and contacting them on the street or on college campuses.
In most cases, a child is called a Jehovah’s Witness, because his parents are Jehovah’s Witnesses.
However, this designation must be clarified.
One doesn’t become truly a Witness until he/she is baptized.
Anyone who intends to get baptized must prove that he/she wishes to be a "disciple". Thus he must identify himself as a "proclaimer of the Good News of the Kingdom" and take an active part in the meetings organized by the congregation. Furthermore, before baptism, he must submit to a quite lengthy questionnaire (usually subdivided into three series of some thirty questions each, spread over three sessions taking place over several days or weeks). This exam is conducted in turn by the different men in charge of the local congregation. These questions - based on the Bible and a book the candidate obtains before baptism, a book in fact in which all the answers can be found - will decide if he is qualified (or worthy) to become a "servant" of Jehovah. When all is said and done, the decision rests on the men in charge of the congregation, the "elders".
If the answer is positive, the candidate will be allowed to get baptized by immersion during the next circuit or district assembly.
Consequently, baptism is not for young children, but for those who can grasp the importance of that step. In practice, some get baptized around the age of ten (rarely before) and others are not yet baptized at the age of 15 (and some wait even longer).
Therefore, many children are not "Witnesses" in a real sense. They only follow their parents.
It is also necessary to make a distinction between the child who was born and raised in a Witness family and the one who, for example, is already in school when the parents join the movement. Generally these parents find it much more difficult to have their child follow them in their new belief.
The situation gets more complicated when only one parent, most often the mother, accepts "the truth". The child may then be torn between two sides: the one who has joined the movement and who will make any effort to bring him/her to it, and the "opposing party" who will strive to thwart the other’s efforts. Profound tensions, that may lead to divorce, will then inevitably arise in the family circle and be very disturbing for the child.
However, it is sometimes the case that the one who does not accept the Witnesses’ doctrines gives up or is indifferent, and finally doesn’t interfere with his partner’s efforts.
Is the child who lives in a Witness family actually a martyr ? Certainly not.
Is he beaten ? No, not any more than any other child. The men who send the directives from Headquarters in Brooklyn, say that the Bible recommends the use of the rod when absolutely necessary. Do Witness parents resort to it ? Not very often.
There are exceptions, but it’s very rare.
What must be understood is this: What affects the child most profoundly is much more imperceptible, more subtle.
He will be subjected to a series of interdictions, which he will not understand for the most part.
In this account, we will focus particularly on young children.
They may be subjected to ridicule and be the laughing stock of their young classmates, but these kids have an excellent excuse. Like the Witness children, they don’t understand what’s going on, as their friends’ explanations are often very convoluted and confusing.
Possibly, the parents have kindly warned their child. For example by saying: "It’s a good thing if others don’t like you ; it’s because you are in the true religion. Not everybody likes Jesus either."
Let’s look at some of the everyday things that are forbidden to Jehovah’s Witnesses that the parents inculcate in their children (whether they’re baptized or not).
The celebration of birthdays is forbidden.
As is often the case, when a child’s birthday is approaching, a party is organized at home, and friends are invited.
The Jehovah’s Witness child can under no circumstances accept the invitation !
Naturally, the Jehovah’s Witnesses parents never organize any birthday party, as there are express interdictions to celebrate these feasts of "pagan origin". The instructions from the Jehovah’s Witnesses organization are extremely clear on this subject. Such practices could, in case of ill will, non-repentance and recurrence, result in sanctions, even to disfellowshipping (excommunication).
The child doesn’t understand that kind of meandering in their life style, but he obeys. As a result, he doesn’t even wish a "happy birthday" to his Mom or Dad.
Which is not a real problem, if both are Witnesses !
But what happens when one of them isn’t ? What about the grandparents and other members of the family ?
We must remember that no compromise is allowed. There is an inflexible rule : one doesn’t say "happy birthday" to anyone. And of course, one doesn’t send birthday cards.
This can be the cause of a lot of frictions in the family ! And certainly, how frustrating it must be for the young child !
Also prohibited is the celebration of one’s Name’s Day.
There too, the child of Jehovah’s Witnesses parents cannot mark his Saint’s Day on the calendar.
And he will certainly not acknowledge the Name’s Day of his friends at school.
All this, it is said, has satanic origins and is an integral part of the behavior of this corrupt system, which is soon going to be destroyed. In addition, it is also said that such celebrations (including birthdays which we have already mentioned) unavoidably place the individual on a pedestal, something that can be very detrimental to that person.
Consequently, no wishes for Dad’s or Mom’s Name’s Day, Grandpa’s and Grandma’s or anybody else’s.
Mother Day, Father Day and other such celebrations are of course also forbidden.
If at school the children are asked to write a letter or a poem, draw a picture, or bring some flowers for the occasion, the young Jehovah’s Witness child must refuse.
We all know what difficulties such interdictions can create in a school setting. We’re not talking about problems between the pupil and the teacher (because generally the parents inform the school administration and give them a brochure explaining the position taken by Jehovah’s Witnesses in these matters), but mostly about the problems between children, due to their lack of understanding, especially among young children.
And let us repeat, inevitably there will be family conflicts when one of the parents is not a Witness.
Perhaps the father, mother, grandfather, grandmother, uncle or aunt, who has not joined the Watch Tower religion, would appreciate some recognition on these special days.
And probably, a little boy or a little girl would like to show their parents that they care on these special occasions, as their schoolmates do.
A Jehovah’s Witness child does not get any toys on St. Nicholas Day.
Because, logically, St. Nick is subject to the same fate as all other saints in the calendar.
You can imagine the scenario when the child goes to school and is asked by a little friend during recess:
- "What did St. Nick bring you ?"
- "Me, nothing."
- "What ! … Nothing ?"
- "No."
- "You probably have been too naughty ?"
(The little Witness child denies vigorously) - "I am not naughty ! ... But we don’t celebrate St. Nicholas at our house."
- "Why?"
- "Because it’s not right, my parents say it is not for Christians ..."
- "My Dad and Mom are Christians too, and I have received lots of presents !"
Jehovah’s Witnesses insist that they do give toys to their children at other times of the year. They argue that they don’t have to wait for a special occasion to give presents. Which is true, but one doesn’t preclude the other.
All this is fine and dandy, but this is adults’ reasoning.
Does a 5 or 6-year-old reasons like this ? Is he not rather frustrated because he is not treated "like everybody else" ?
The men in charge in the Jehovah’s Witnesses congregations will tell you that this is an exaggeration. "Look how happy our children are !" they exclaim.
If that was the case, and we’ll come back to that later, why do so many young people leave the organization ?
One of the notorious interdictions for a Jehovah’s Witness is Christmas.
The magazines "The Watchtower" and "Awake !" will remind you, particularly in articles published toward the end of the year : Christmas is a pagan festival of Babylonian origin, that dishonors God and his Son.
The results for the child are :
No Father Christmas, no Christmas tree and no decorations.
No Christmas carols.
No greetings cards.
No manger.
No presents.
No Yule Log (Bûche de Noël) (Except sometimes the iced Bûche found in supermarkets - because it is cheap at that time of year ... But there again, only broad-minded parents will buy one, those whose conscience is not troubled by such a purchase).
And many other problems can ensue, especially with the extended family.
Other celebrations are also prohibited, such as Easter and New Year.
Speaking of Easter, it is understood that there will be
No colored hard-boiled eggs, and no chocolate eggs.
No cute little bunnies.
No bells (Roman !).
No ... etc ... etc.
And the same goes for the period of the New Year.
No oral wishes to family or friends, or neighbors, nobody.
No greetings cards.
No special New Year cake (except maybe… See Bûche de Noël).
A Jehovah’s Witness, a son or daughter of Witnesses, will never wish anyone a "Happy New Year".
Strangely, they’re allowed to say "Good Morning" [*], "Good day" [*], "Good afternoon", "Good evening" [**], "Good night" [**], "Good Sunday", "Good week", "Good week-end", "Good trip" [***], "Good appetite", (all wishes that are for the most part of pagan origin, linked to the miraculous and daily reappearance of the sun [*], to the fear of diabolic entities filling the night [**], to the exorcism of evil spirits haunting the roads [***]... and others, but "Good New Year" (Happy New Year) is not an appropriate thing to say.
One can imagine the embarrassment and confusion of a little boy who is forbidden to wish a Happy New Year to his little friends, his teachers and to the members of his family.
And if someone wishes him a Happy New Year, what should a Witness worthy of that name do? Under no circumstances is he allowed to answer: "The same to you". He will simply say: "Thank You".
No (or few) extra-curricular activities.
If such activities are not explicitly forbidden, they are implicitly. In any case, they are overtly advised against.
The parents - if they are good Jehovah’s Witnesses - will do whatever it takes to keep their children from participating in school organized activities outside of school hours, such as soccer, baseball, gymnastics, swimming and other sports, as well as drama, dance, choir, and of course hanging out with schoolmates after school hours.
Also included in these extra-curricular activities are summer camps.
Even though some parents do send their children to summer camp (probably as all parents do, to have some peace and quiet for a few days), they do it often without realizing that it goes against the instructions and advice of their organization.
If a Jehovah’s Witness holds a position of responsibility in the congregation, he may be reproached for such carelessness.
Do not have "worldly" friends.
Earlier, we have used the word "friends" to refer to the classmates of Jehovah’s Witnesses’ children.
This word "friend" is too strong, as a young Witness normally is not allowed to have a real friend in this "doomed world". As a good fruit will spoil when in contact with one that is rotten, it can only be the same if one associates with this wicked world.
Thus the Jehovah’s Witness children must chose (or their parents for them) their friends amongst the "Christian congregation".
Consequently, it is difficult for these children to be really open in their school setting, as they will have heard again and again that "friendship with this world is enmity with God", and making friends with classmates will not be up-building.
Don’t be "friend with the world".
This means that a Jehovah’s Witness child is not allowed to be involved in any social gatherings, or any political or humanitarian activities.
Accordingly, he can not participate in a "white march" (marche blanche, so-called for the white ribbons worn during the march) (as it happened in Belgium in memory of the little girls murdered by Dutroux), or to contribute in any way to a charitable cause, that often will be suspected to have political implications and links.
Our generation is intrinsically depraved and is doomed to perdition, and has no hope. Why should we contribute to support the efforts of men who are resolutely "against Jehovah", efforts that in the end are bound to fail ?
If the Jehovah’s Witness children would like to give a little money for a charitable cause sponsored by the school, their parents will probably not allow it.
They will tell them that there are contribution boxes at the Kingdom Hall for the worldwide work.
(When money is collected by the school for a specific use, like Christmas tree decorations, the preparations for St. Nicholas or other such forbidden occasions, the parents will without any doubt strictly forbid their children to contribute). The following is an actual experience: In Belgium, some Witness parents didn’t allow their young child to attach a white ribbon to her book bag, as asked by the school, in memory of Julie and Melissa, the young victims of Dutroux.
Higher education ? Not encouraged.
Higher education is not forbidden. Some parents do push their children to continue their education. (However, it must be said that often these parents are regarded as having a weak faith, as Christians who lack faith in a very near "New World", by their fellow believers.)
The undertaking of higher education is far from being the general rule.
Of what use would higher education be in a system with no future ? Also, won’t such studies distance young people from their creator ? Don’t they dangerously start them on a course of materialism ?
Isn’t higher education a waste of time ?
Aren’t there better things to do with one’s time in this period "when the time left is short", as the Bible states ?
Why not restrict oneself to the level of education required by the laws of the country, then strive to find a part-time job, enough to provide for one’s needs, and dedicate most of one’s time to serve as a “pioneer” ? (A pioneer preaches about 70 hours a month - that is about 850 hours a year).
We must however note that lately the view concerning higher education has changed in the organization. The Society does need a qualified and specialized workforce in its different Bethels, to manage their assets. Particularly in the field of computer science.
Children study with their parents, go to the meetings with them and participate in the field work (preaching).
It is certainly commendable that the children are so much in the company of their parents !
But some questions arise when you sum up the number of hours Witnesses must dedicate to their religion.
There are five meetings each week (spread over two evenings and one afternoon).
- Theocratic Ministry School (where you learn to express yourself) : 45 minutes.
- Service Meeting (where you learn to preach) : 45 minutes.
- Book Study (study of a book published by the organization) : One hour.
- Public Talk (discussion of a Biblical subject) : 45 minutes.
- Watchtower Study (Study of a Watchtower article): One hour.
This is a total of 4 ½ hours, and does not include the introduction talk and the conclusion, prayers and hymns. This adds up to a total of five hours.
We must also consider the travel time back and forth from home to the Kingdom Hall, which roughly amounts to two hours for all the meetings. (The Ministry School and the Service Meeting follow each other on the same evening - The Book Study takes place on another evening - The Public Talk and the Watchtower Study take place one after the other, generally on Sunday afternoon.
For the three round-trips, it takes an average of three times 40 minutes, except for families who live close to the Kingdom Hall. But others live farther and their travel time is even longer).
When the meeting is over, it is rare that the parents leave the Kingdom Hall right away. Indeed, the Society emphasizes the need to strengthen the bonds between the brothers and sisters. A good way to achieve that, they say, is to converse with each other for a while in the Hall before going back to the entrance room.
On average, this will take a total of one hour for the three meetings.
A conscientious Jehovah’s Witness father is also encouraged to conduct a home Bible study with his children for one hour each week.
If he can’t do it, the mother will do it.
All family members are also urged to prepare for the various meetings that take place over the week in the congregation (Ministry School, Service Meeting, Book study, Watchtower study), which generally takes at least two hours.
Finally, there is the door-to-door preaching work. Parents are strongly advised to take their children along with them. Assuming that this activity takes 2 hours (on Saturday or Sunday morning, for example), and adding the travelling time, this will easily takes three hours.
In summary, the time related to religious activities, easily adds up to 13-14 hours a week !
At this rate, the child is completely overwhelmed.
Adding these 13-14 hours on top of his homework is simply not feasible.
Fortunately, most Jehovah’s Witnesses parents have come to understand it … Or rather, due to the circumstances, they had to yield to the facts !
This is why many children do not attend all the meetings. The mother (or sometimes the father), or the big brother or big sister stay home with them. The family study and the preparations for the meetings are also often neglected. The children only join in from time to time in the door-to-door preaching work.
All this is subject to the judgement of the parents. Some, more zealous than others and lacking common sense, will stick to the schedule and even do more. Is it not what "God's chosen organization" is asking them to do ?
Many children say in a drawling voice: "I am tired !" (and it shows in their little faces). Or after the weekdays’ meetings (ending usually around 9.30 PM), one can hear : "Let’s go home Dad, I still have homework to finish."
Talking to a disfellowshiped person is forbidden.
This rule cannot be circumvented: when someone is disfellowshiped from the organization, no one is allowed to talk to that person, neither in the street, public places, nor in the Kingdom Hall.
Parents must teach their children not to greet disfellowshiped persons or talk to them. Further they are to have as little contact as possible with a family member who has been disfellowshiped and who doesn’t live under the same roof.
Normal contacts can be maintained with family members who have been disfellowshiped, if they live under the same roof, but spiritual discussions must be avoided. Still, Witness parents whose child has been disfellowshiped are allowed to help him/her by having a Bible study, if the child still lives with them.
As they don’t really understand what’s happening, these children learn, it is sad to say, to simply be impolite. Any human feeling in them toward people who, a short while ago, were their big brother or sister, is undermined, as these are now rejects, due to the cutting off of the disfellowshiping action.
No more comments are necessary.
Under these circumstances, extremely tragic situations occur because of the rejection suffered by those who are disfellowshiped and their families.
The blood question.
Last, but of significant importance is the issue of blood transfusions.
Every baptized Jehovah’s Witness carries a card that is renewed each year to stay current. In this card the Jehovah’s Witnesses ask doctors not to give them any blood transfusion in case of an accident or surgery. They relieve the medical profession of all responsibility in case of complications, which could in some cases lead to death. Their refusal to accept a blood transfusion is based on the Bible, they state.
This card however specifies that Jehovah’s Witnesses may accept different blood substitutes.
When a serious situation arises, "elders" who are part of a "hospital committee" are called to help. Their help consists in contacting the doctors and surgeons and convincing them of the necessity to respect the patient’s convictions.
But what happens when the patient is a minor ?
The rule is simple and there are no exceptions: the parents shall refuse any blood transfusion for their child, even when he/she is in mortal danger.
Naturally, Jehovah’s Witnesses parents do not wish the death of their child. They will do everything in their power to resolve the problems caused by their refusal. But their conduct will nevertheless be guided by the words found in the Bible: "We must obey God as a ruler rather than men."
As they are convinced that God forbids the taking of blood in any form, they will choose the painful option, which is to refuse the transfusion, and perhaps see their child die. The other alternative, disobey God, is not acceptable, as it could deprive them of "eternal life".
In litigious cases in many countries, the law will intervene, and if it is judged necessary, will order the administration of blood, overriding parental authority for the circumstance.
Many Jehovah’s Witness children have died because of their refusal to accept a blood transfusion.
The organization commends such "acts of loyalty" and presents them in its publications as an example to be followed, to prompt other young people to also give their life if necessary.
The cover page of the magazine "Awake !" of May 22, 1994 is worthy of examination. All the children on this photo-montage are smiling broadly. But it is a very sad display - all these children have died following a blood transfusion refusal.
Will the Watch Tower continue indefinitely to maintain their position concerning blood transfusions ?
We don’t think so.
Premonitory signs imply that in the months or years to come, transfusions will become a "question of conscience" (dissenting movements for reform [AJWRB], the Bulgarian case, wavering of doctrine in other countries).
The Society will just repeat what they said about vaccinations and organ transplants.
These two treatments, after having been forbidden to all Jehovah’s Witnesses based on some Bible texts also used for the blood prohibition, are now allowed.
See the document on this site titled : "Vaccinations, Transplantations, Transfusions, jamais deux sans trois" (Vaccinations, Transplants, Transfusions, never two without three).
CONCLUSION
The majority of Jehovah’s Witnesses are fundamentally sincere people who want to help others.
True, this help mostly amounts to preaching door-to-door - humanitarian relief being relegated to the background (except in cases of natural disasters and others, but even there, help will go first to other Witnesses).
But they shouldn’t be blamed, the system that governs them should.
Many do the best they can to raise their children; at least they think they do !
Many young Witnesses are good students, are respectful toward their teachers, don’t smoke, don’t do drugs, and behave ethically.
But in general, children of Jehovah’s Witness parents are not very happy.
The youngest amongst them will be scarred forever by all the interdictions they’ve been subjected to, and will be left with a deep-seated scar in their innermost being.
This will automatically show itself later. Indeed, many young people react by rejecting and leaving the organization when they come of age. Unfortunately in the majority of cases, they’re left with no motivation, no sense of direction, disgusted, and often, unbelieving.
The evidence is there, one only needs to open their eyes - even though the people in charge refuse to see it.
Unfortunately, the young people getting out of the Jehovah’s Witness organization generally don’t trust anyone anymore, religions, institutions and men.
There are of course exceptions.
Some will say that this attitude is typical of young people nowadays, and one doesn’t need to have been a Jehovah’s Witness to act this way.
This is true.
But at least, the young people "of the world" have not lived what should be the most carefree and happy part of their life, their early childhood, in frustration and with the feeling of "not-belonging" that we have described earlier.
Original text : "L'enfant face aux parents Témoins de Jéhovah"
Translated by Chantal CARON